Imposter Syndrome, Creators and Charles Bukowski
Keeping it Real
My imagination has helped me manage life. The stories I read, the theatre, films, and television I watch are the bedrock of my psyche. By keeping my imagination busy, I can easily escape into it. My interior life resides somewhere between Gaza and Gelson’s. I’m not sure how I managed to hold onto my imagination. The likely answer is living in the real world when my parents “forced” me to create an alternate reality. One in which I’d control all my choices, including the bad ones.
If you asked me, and you didn’t, what stops people from exploring their creative side, I’d say fear of embarrassment. What will people think if they know I’m writing a play or taking a pottery class?
I have a simple answer: Don’t tell them!
Fear of embarrassment has its origins in “imposter syndrome,” a universal affliction. Let’s examine imposter syndrome. It means a person feels they’re pretending or faking it. But if you paint a painting and put your name on it, how does it qualify as imposter syndrome? If you sign your name “Picasso” and try and sell it, that’s imposter syndrome. Or if you sign your own name, but walk around boasting you’re “the next Picasso,” it’s closer to that diagnosis.
However, if you don’t have pretensions about being Picasso, but instead embrace yourself for who you really are, an art student, then there is no imposter syndrome there!
Why tell anyone what you’re doing? Do you want their approval or validation for your decision to sign up for a poetry workshop? What if you start to think of your creativity as your “private space?” If nobody knows, it’s your safe space to use the parlance of our time, enabling you to try things you might not otherwise try. (can you identify my “The Big Lebowski” homage in this sentence?”).
When people discover I’m a painter, this is how fifty percent of conservations unfold.
Them: “I always wanted to take an art class”
Me: “Great. Do it!”
Them: “I’m terrible at art”
Me: “Hence, an class.”
Since I started painting, the most common compliment I receive is “You’re gifted.” It’s astonishing how often people attribute creativity to a genetic predisposition, as if I inherited a chromosome of unknown origin. I could spit in a tube, send it for testing, and discover the source!
Here’s what nobody understands – or accepts. When someone enjoys whatever it is they’re doing and invests time and energy in improving their skill in it, they’ll naturally evolve and develop that particular skill. Mystery solved.
I’ve spent much of my life being my own worst enemy. I’m not going to allow you to be yours.
I’m here to convince you to TRY STUFF! If you want to play piano, take a class. Maybe you’ll hate it, but perhaps it’ll be fun. After COVID-19, one of my first Storytelling Labbers, by far the eldest of the group, cast off her fears and inhibitions. She explored a range of creative experiences, including Improv. She loved it so much it makes me consider giving it a try.
It doesn’t matter what you decide to do is irrelevant. It’s the satisfaction and empowerment derived from taking an action.
I’m having an art show in Santa Monica next month. I’ve done a series of paintings of iconic images from films that influenced me. As the day approaches, I must admit the voices in my head gather in little corners and snicker. When I’m not worrying about anybody showing up, I worry about my weight, hair, and wardrobe. I can see, objectively as one can see, that they’re good, but are they good enough?! If people buy my paintings, will I feel differently? Why is imposter syndrome tied to money? People have bought my paintings in the past, and while it made me happy, I don’t think I’m necessarily better than anybody else who put in as much time and effort as I have. I guess I find it hard to take my own advice. So, do what I say, not as I do!
